The Heart of a Blogger-Rant

I would like to start off by saying that I have great admiration for sites such as "TechCrunch", "The Huffington Post", "Gizmodo" and many other blogs that started from the ground up. They spent years perfecting their image and gaining followers. Some have even managed to make a decent living after their long road to success. But the fact is that very few bloggers make it to the top or even make any significant amount of money in the process.

I started this blog in January of 2008, with the intention of using it as a tool to connect with my karaoke followers and post pictures of recent gigs. But as it turned out, I just couldn't keep myself from writing about all the things that were in my head...hence "Off the Top". I later placed ad's on the site, not because I thought I would get rich, but because they made the site look more professional and pleasing to the eye. Sure, I make a penny here and there, Whoopee!

It is no surprise to me that there are some spelling and tense errors in my published posts. I do try to be as grammatically correct as possible, but my main goal is to get my opinions and/or facts across to the reader. In reality the research, that is portrayed in my articles, should speak for itself. So you can imagine my surprise when a now former Facebook friend, who pointed out flaws in my posts on a daily basis, accused me of caring more about clicks and making money than the articles I write. They also wrote that I am not a high achiever and that the younger generation has lower standards in writing, but that I shouldn't take any of that personally.

Don't take it personally? Is this person for real? I cannot imagine a blogger who would not take those remarks personally. Thanks to the grand design of Facebook I was able to un-friend this person so they could no longer suck the fun out of my online routine. And for the record, I would like to make it clear that my writing is very important to me. I just want my opinions to be heard the same as most other bloggers. I generate as much traffic as possible in order to rank higher in the search results so my articles can be found by people all over the world. As for the individual who turned a few spelling errors into a personal attack, I would like to say, in the words of Chef Gordon Ramsay..."Piss Off!"

PATHETIC SMALL TOWN BS

This will be one of very few personal articles I will write, so don't let me scare you off. I just need to vent.

How can one live in a town of only 5,500 people, for twenty-three years, and only have a hand-full of friends that really know and actually care about them? Well, this is my life.

First let me say that this town has always started gossip about me. If I'm dating I'm a slut...If I'm not then I'm a lesbian. Hell, I even caught crap about the articles I wrote about the flood. Why? because my site hit so far up in the search engine and I used a picture from another site. I was trying to help the victims and what does the town think "she must be doing something illegal". Bullshit.

This probably happens everywhere, but in smaller towns people must just be so damn bored with their own life that they feel the need to find things wrong with other people Guess they just want someone to talk about or it makes their life seem a little better. Of course, their life stays shitty, so why not drag me down too. At least in larger cities you can go somewhere where you are unknown. Hell, I can't even go to the freakin Dentist without the receptionist having an attitude. And I don't take kindly to that.

So, the most recent scenario is this....For the past four year's have to take a pill twice a day, for a chemical balance in the brain. I've never harmed a soul or even threatened to for that matter. But I have had to be hospitalized a couple times to adjust the medication. At least half of Americans take some kind of medicine for stress or other behavioral issues. But in my town...I'm NUTS!

Saturday night, a new co-worker that I barely know, goes into a drunken stupor about how I need to stay on my meds for my step-dad and BLAH BLAH BLAH. Well, she seen the side of me that only comes out when I've had ENOUGH. She wouldn't shut up about it so I just let her have it. I explained that she barely knows me or about my chemical imbalance. She insisted she knew a lot. I told her she shouldn't listen to everything she hears in this town and that if she really wanted to know about me to come talk to me, then, maybe, I would accept her advise. She was basically insisting that she knows my life better than I do. Nothing worse than a drunk know-it-all that doesn't know crap.

Then, out of the blue, she insists it is not a chemical imbalance that I have and shoots off a diagnosis. She then informs me that I missed my doctors appointment! So now I'm really pissed. I told her the only way she could know that would be through someone at the Mental Health Department and I went on to say that this is a complete violation of my confidentiality rights and I am now going after someones job. "Don't do that" she said...."she hasn't been working there very long." and I said "She deserves to be fired if she's that fuckin stupid. And mental illness is a Chemical Imbalances, Dip shit" excuse the language. just keepin it real. So she proceeded to call my step-dad to tattle on me (I'm 36 yrs. old), which got her nowhere, and I went back to packing up my DJ equipment. But I did not forget about the confrontation like they asked.

The Iroquois County Mental Health Department, in my area ,denies that any information regarding my wellness has escaped the lips of their employees. Well, this time I have a bit of proof. In addition to the half wasted co-worker, I did not tell one single soul of a doctors appointment that was scheduled a couple weeks ago. I made sure no one knew, because the last time I missed an appointment people I worked with somehow found out. Well, I missed the appointment on purpose, and kept my mouth shut about it. (I have plenty meds) Just as I suspected, they found out again.

Living in a small town and all, I am pretty sure I know who the little, or should I say Fat rat is. The sad think is that I have know her for years and once thought we were friends. She is not doing me a favor by leaking information, she is just adding salt to the wounds and giving these assholes a reason to look at me like I'm gonna snap at any given moment. Soooo untrue. In addition the law breaking Mental Health employee/former friend couldn't pass a piss test to save her life. She has been on drugs as long as I've known her and even told me one time that "I want to find work as an RN, I just know I can't pass the piss test." And I have problems? Well, she got the job and is still breaking the law. Oh, but her family is loaded, so she could piss piles of cocaine and no one would even notice.

The truth of the matter is, that if I was just some below average looking nobody, that kept her mouth shut, didn't go anywhere and just obeyed, no one would ever bother me.

Instead, I am a very smart and attractive woman with more talent in my pinky finger than some have in their whole body. I always speak my mind. I am nice and have never done anything to intentionally hurt another human being, but I won't take shit off of anybody either. I am independent and have had to take care of myself the majority of my life. I don't use men for money, I've always found a way to make ends meet on my own, legally and fully clothed. I haven't done any drugs since my twenties besides a little pot about a year ago. And have never been charged with anything more than a traffic ticket or mistimener.

Now, who else in this pathetic, nosey, jealous little community would like to put their cards on the table. I have nothing to hide. But I bet you do.